I love talking with customers at farmers markets. Getting to know you and your family is the best part of what I do. Since becoming a mother seven years ago, I’ve noticed something…
You always tell me quietly, like it’s a secret and I often sense some feelings of shame around it. You tell me you are worried about what your kids will or won’t eat - like only bad parents have picky eaters. You know what? I’ve felt that shame too – I RAISE organic food and my kid won’t always eat it.
As a result, and for a while now, I have been looking for information to help us deal with those picky eaters and the feelings of shame that often come along.
I just stumbled on Kendra Adachi’s Lazy Genius podcast a few weeks ago. My podcast player suggested it to me, and I am so glad. There are a lot of episodes available and I scrolled the list, looking for somewhere to start.
The first episode to jump out at me was #146, titled simply “Feeding Picky Kids”. I listened to it and in about 20 minutes she covered everything I have been wanting to say to customers at market for years.
For the rest of this blog post I am going to quickly summarize episode #146. If you find the info helpful, please go listen to the podcast yourself. She has a lot of great info in there and a few other episodes on intuitive eating that are also really good. *(I am in no way affiliated with Kendra, I just find her stuff helpful and want to share it widely.)
Adam and I farm so you can know your farmers and so we can all better know our food.
I hope you always feel like you can talk to us about anything to do with feeding our human bodies.
Without further ado:
10 Tips for Intuitive Eating for Kids by Kendra Adachi (summarized):
1. They were born this way: Think about how your kids ate as babies - they cried when they were hungry and then they ate until they were satisfied. Simple. Also, remember how they would eat just a little some days and then a ton the next? Their needs varied from day to day and so did their eating habits. Humans were born with signals for hunger and for fullness. Deep down we all know when we need to eat and when we do not.
2. Respect your kids signals for when they are hungry and when they are full: As parents we often want to decide how much our kids need to eat. But remember we were all born with those signals that tell us what our bodies need. Respecting your kids, whether they tell you they are full or still hungry means you respect their inborn signals – this teaches them to trust their bodies and in turn, to trust you!
3. Make all foods equal: In other words, remove morality from foods. Resist the urge to label foods as good or bad. We all need to learn to trust our bodies more than we trust labels. Yes, labels can give us important information but they are not THE MOST important thing. One way to remove morality from food is to serve all foods at the same time – put dessert on the plate WITH dinner rather than holding it for the end. This communicates that no one type of food is more important or better than another.
4. Make food as reward an option rather than the go-to rule: Seeing food as a reward is not a bad thing – food can be very fun and celebratory. But to keep all food equal, it helps to make food as a reward only one option amongst others. For example, asking kiddos what they want to do to celebrate a good report card can include going out for ice cream but don’t automatically dictate that is what the reward should be. If we are allowing our kids to trust their bodies and choose their foods, we don’t want to automatically elevate one food over others by declaring it is a reward.
5. Avoid food rules: We give kids a lot of food rules, for example: they have to eat certain things first, certain foods are for certain times of day, they can’t eat dessert until they’ve eaten so much of something else. Our intentions for these rules are good. We want our kids to be healthy, try new things, not waste food, etc.
But there is evidence that shows kids who face a lot of food rules growing up tend to develop disordered eating or a shameful relationship with food as teens or adults. We all live with a lot of food rules and we don’t really realize how much they strip the joy from eating and then strip us from knowing and trusting our bodies better. It’s a hard adjustment to make, but we can better serve our kids by not asking them to live with strict food rules.
6. Talk about “Growing Foods”: It can be helpful to reconsider how we talk about food. We often hear foods describe as healthy or junk, good or bad. Some foods certainly offer better nutritional impact. But that doesn’t mean the non-nutrient dense foods are BAD. Our bodies know the difference and are good at knowing what they need to function well. Developing more neutral language for how we talk with our kids about food can help them make choices that are informed by their bodies rather than imposed perceptions of what is good or bad. Instead of declaring foods healthy or unhealthy, we might refer to nutrient-dense foods as ‘growing food’. This allows us to affirm the nutrition some foods offer without placing morality on them. This goes a long way toward removing the shame from messaging around food so kids can feel free to seek out foods that work well for their particular bodies.
7. Name the difference between your way at home and other’s way: It’s nice to have some ideas stored away for how to talk to your kiddos when they are confused by something they hear at school or a friend’s house and how it differs from what you do at home. Be prepared to discuss how another family may approach eating differently without labeling those differences as good or bad, right or wrong. We don’t want to demonize someone for being different. There is always more than one way.
8. You are not responsible for what your child eats: Here is a quote from an RDN and intuitive eating expert: “The greatest challenge a parent must overcome is not holding themselves responsible for what the child eats. They are only responsible for meal timing, serving a variety of foods with at least one choice they know the child will enjoy, and ensuring the mealtime is pleasant.” Essentially you serve the meal and remain pleasant. Remember you get to choose what you serve (this doesn’t mean the kids can just go pick out whatever they want from the kitchen) but, beyond that it is up to the child to choose what and how much they eat. Another similar quote from another RDN says, “The number one change parents can make when feeding their children is not saying anything. Once the food is in front of the child, it is no longer the parent or anyone else’s business how much or whether the child eats.”
This may sound impossible and even irresponsible but it’s just an idea for a place to start. Remember this is a process and we are all steeped in our own food rules. We don’t necessarily trust our own bodies around food either and it can be hard for us to let our kids trust their own bodies at first.
9. Let kids learn the responsibility to their own bodies: They are responsible for themselves. What a way to give kids agency over their own bodies – by allowing them to decide what they eat. As children are allowed to lean into their innate awareness of their body’s needs, they will learn to trust themselves. This ripples out beyond just what they eat. It affects how they listen to their own rest cues and energy cues, how they interact with people and trust their own voice.
It sounds simplistic but allowing children to choose what they eat can have far reaching consequences for the rest of their lives. Creating a culture around intuitive eating for our kids builds a culture where they trust themselves and feel confident in who they are in general.
10. We’re going to mess up and that’s ok: We are all learning as we go. Do the best you can, forgive yourself for mistakes, and stay open to adjusting as you move forward together.
